The Final Leg of the Journey

I published Always Forward on September 25, 2021. Seventeen years after the concept for "Always Forward" came to me while deployed in Iraq, I finally released the first novella in the series. What started as a three-part series quickly evolved into a five-part series. The journey Always Forward has taken me on has been complicated but beautiful.

For years, Emily and her family lived rent-free in my brain. On and off over the years, I would see a glimpse of what she was going through. She was locked away in captivity for fifteen years as a prisoner of war. I initially wrote the prologue while deployed in Iraq, but it was too real. I was quite literally in the thick of combat, and writing about it in this capacity was not productive. So, I tucked Emily and her family away for close to two decades.

Finally, in the fall of 2019, I began writing her story. Perhaps it was the looming 40th birthday in 2020, feeling like I had to do one more big accomplishment in my thirties, or perhaps my heart and mind were finally ready to face my traumas of war.

I began writing the series in bits and pieces. Whatever I could see clearly in my head, I wrote it. This is how the concept of writing each chapter for one character came to be. Some days, Emily was front and center, while others were Tara, Roddie, or Josh.

It wasn’t long into my writing that we entered a new era in the world—the pandemic. During COVID-19, I dug in and wrote all of Always Forward and Chasing Ghosts. But I had no clue what I was doing beyond writing the manuscripts. I also had no clue what I was doing with my mental health.

I decided it was time to get mental health assistance from the VA and face my traumas so I could bring peace to Emily’s traumas. Looking back, there are so many parallels between my mental health journey and Emily’s journey in the book series. Although I was never a prisoner of war, I was a prisoner of my mind. For years, I faced the world with a smile and bravery. It appeared like all was fine with me, and I had not only made it back from war in one piece physically but mentally, too.

But this was all a lie. I was broken inside. But somehow, writing Emily’s story was forcing me to face my demons with professional help. I was able to access mental health support through the VA and began my journey to become a yoga teacher in 2021, just as Always Forward was being released.

I entered a prolonged exposure therapy program, and although it was challenging work, I made it to the other side. During this time, I graduated with my 200-hour yoga certification, released Chasing Ghosts, and began writing the final book in the series.

But the characters had another plan for me. Just as Carry On was released, Roddie was screaming in my head to share his story. He needed the world to understand what he went through when Emily went missing. The world needed to know the events that led to Always Forward's beginning—a prequel to the series.

So, instead of wrapping up the series, I announced book four- Left Behind. This book challenged me as a writer. Not only because it was from Roddie’s point of view but also because I wrote on very sensitive topics. Drug and alcohol addiction. Survivor’s guilt and suicide. These are not light-hearted topics; I cried a lot while writing this book. So much so that I re-entered a new form of therapy, cognitive-based therapy; this therapy has been profound in my continued healing and coping processes. And although Left Behind was challenging to write, I am beyond proud of how it turned out. I have heard from countless readers how much this book has opened their eyes to how combat impacts our military.

While I was writing Left Behind, I knew I wasn’t done yet. Malika, the oldest Iraqi daughter, was screaming at me, too! She literally said, “How are you going to give closure to every other character, but the children born out of violence and cruelty? You can’t turn your back on us.” So, as I was finishing up Left Behind, I began the outline for The Burdens We Carry.

But the fifth book would take over two years to complete. In the fall of 2023, I faced another round of severe PTSD episodes, which I refer to as my moral compass coming back on. As I watched in real-time Palestinians be persecuted and genocide incurred, I morally could not write book five in its original format. I had to scrap the entire manuscript (close to fifty percent complete) and walk away from it for nearly eight months.

In August 2024, after months of discussing new plot lines and ideas with my youngest daughter, I had the book figured out. I then went back to the original manuscript and used some of the original pieces. I then went on a writing bender and wrote the book in about two months.

I owed it to the Iraqi children to not only bring them closure but also ensure I showed the world how sometimes even the bad guys start off as good guys. As I wrote the epilogue for The Burdens We Carry, I cried. But this time, my tears were happy tears. I was happy with the ending for all the characters, and I was happy with myself.

I was proud that I could come full circle and finish the series after close to five years from when I first began writing Always Forward in 2019. This journey has been nothing short of the biggest challenge of my life to date. I know I can never truly heal from the traumas of war, but I have felt pieces of me begin to heal.

They say that the person who leaves for war is not the same person who comes home from war. And this is entirely true for me. I could also say that the writer that begins a series is not the same writer that completes a series. At least, that goes for me. Looking back at where I started in 2019, I have learned a lot and have come far in my writing style. I know my books aren’t perfect, but if you give the series a chance, I believe you can also see my growth as a writer.

And don’t worry, Emily’s story may be over, but I have something big planned for the Five-Year Anniversary of the Always Forward series in 2026. This journey isn’t over yet!