My Views on Fireworks

Disclaimer: The following content is solely my point of view. I do not speak for any other Veteran or Veterans Organizations.

I have a love/hate relationship with the Fourth of July. I know as an American I should be proud to celebrate our Nation’s Independence Day; however, as a Veteran who has found her moral compass, it’s a very complex day to celebrate.

Most Americans honor this day with fireworks. Setting off big, colorful ones and loud, booming cannon-like ones.

But fireworks are the bane of my existence.

I literally hate them.

There’s no other way to put it. They remind me every time I hear them of what it was like to serve in combat.

The sound of an explosion triggers something deep inside me that has taken years of therapy to work through.

For the past few nights, (mind you, it’s only July 1st as I write this!) I’ve been dealing with fireworks. Over the weekend, I was sitting on my back patio, reading a book, when I heard the incoming whistling of a mortar attack. But it wasn’t a mortar attack. It was some patriotic neighbor setting off a firework. Needless to say, my quiet reading time ended very abruptly!

I’m sure whoever lit that firework had no ill intentions. They’re probably just really excited about the 4th and want to share with the entire neighborhood how much they love their country. They love freedom and want to celebrate it.

But for me, the heart rate increasing, the sweat appearing on my upper lip, takes me back to not just May 25th of 2004, but to the countless days of gunfire, roadside bombs, RPGs, and mortar attacks. To the night after night of waking up to the sounds of explosions, unsure if they were in my dreams or if they were real.

To the time my buddy and I were walking back from the chow hall and a mortar landed a few feet away from us…lodged in the ground, never going off—a dud. We stood there, looking at each other, terrified to move even an inch, for fear the delicate piece of terror would blow up and send us to our final fate.

So yes, I hate fireworks. I hate them because they are not a symbol of freedom.

They are a symbol of war's destruction.

Of all the innocent civilians being ripped away from their families too soon.

Of all the Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, and Airmen who never get to see their loved ones again.

This is the real symbolism of fireworks, and that is why, on such a day that we should be celebrating our 250th birthday as a Nation, I will be huddled in my house, watching a movie, or listening to music as loud as possible, while also comforting my pup (who hates fireworks even more than I do!).

Again, this is only my point of view. I do not attempt to speak on behalf of any other Veterans.

If you’re reading this, maybe you stand in solidarity with me. Maybe like me, you live with chronic PTSD from going to war, and you want to live a peaceful life, where you don’t have additional external reminders of all the horrible things you’ve seen and done. Because we all know, the horrors of war live with us every day. If this resonates with you, please know you’re not alone. We will get through these next few nights, just like we continue to get through this life. One day at a time, and always moving forward.