Behind the writer

My first blog post may have been a bit shocking, so if you are reading this, a huge THANK YOU for coming back for more!

It was important to me to dive right in with 'It's Not All Her Blood' because, that was truly one of the most defining moments of my life. Now don't get me wrong, it was one of the worst days of my life. But after years of working on my PTSD, I can finally say that I am at peace with what happened on May 25th, 2004.

I also would like to clarify that I have no ill feelings towards those that we fought against in Iraq. Part of healing is also forgiving your enemies, and trust me, life is too short to hold on to anger towards those that attacked us that day (and all the other days as well).

Now that we have gotten the story of my Alive Day behind us, I want to open up more about who I am as a writer. How did I finally get to a point in my life to take the leap into creating a pen name and putting my story out there to share with the world.

I have always had an overactive, creative mind. When I was young, my older siblings and parents could always find me off in my own little worlds. Talking to my imaginary friends, scripting out a full story line for my barbie dolls (there was so much drama!) or jotting down short stories.

I was the youngest of four siblings, and there was quite an age gap. My oldest brother graduated high school when I was still in the walker kind of age gap. When you are the baby and your siblings are that much older than you, you pretty much march to the beat of your own drum. And you learn to entertain yourself.

Hence, my creative side developing at a young age.

As far as the military goes, I had no dreams or aspirations of join the Army. Yes, my father and several uncles had served, but I never grew up with visions of serving. It wasn't until I was a senior in high school and the sticker shock of the college price tag hit me, that my sister convinced me to join the Army.

So, in some ways, we can thank my sister for believing in me and pushing me to set way outside my comfort zone!

I continued to write while serving on active-duty Army; mostly poetry and journal entries. I was stationed in the Pacific Northwest, and the environment fueled my love of poetry.

When I married my husband and we began our family, like many people, I pressed pause on my creative outlets. I focused all my energy on being a new mother and juggling being a soldier, mother, and wife.

My deployment to Iraq is when I dove back into writing. I journaled every day, some in-depth and some just short entries. Since we drove the military equivalent to semi-trucks, we experienced all that the Iraq war in 2004 had to offer. IED (roadside bombs) attacks, mortar fire, small arms fire, land mines, you name it, we dealt with it. We were literally moving targets for the insurgents. There was always something to write about.

And that is where the concept of Always Forward was created. While on a mission to an area we called 'TQ', we witnessed the carnage left over from another unit that had been hit pretty hard by the insurgents. Unfortunately, this unit had casualties. It was difficult to drive by what was left of the ambush. My battle buddy and I began going down the downward spiral of anxiety riddled 'what if' scenarios. Thinking about how likely it could be us. (Mind you, this was before May 25th.)

I created this female soldier in my head who would be involved in an ambush and what would happen if she was taken prisoner. It was a dark story in my head, but over time, her story continued to develop.

I initially wrote the prologue 17 years ago. It's still the same prologue today. But it would take me the next 17 years to find the courage to finally bring Emily's story to life. Although her story is fiction, I used a lot of my own personal experiences to create a realistic story line for Always Forward.

It was not an easy story to write and I am in some ways terrified to share it with the world.

But Emily's story deserves to be heard, and like her, I live by the motto of Always Forward. Over the next few months leading up to Always Forward being released, I plan on sharing insights on writing her story, sharing old works of poetry and excerpts from my diary at war.

My goal is break down the stigma around soldiers and PTSD. Mental health is still not discussed enough openly, and I want to help people see that it is okay to talk about it and that it is okay to not be okay.